


Innocence

by Ursula



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, Domestic Discipline, Established Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-08-23
Updated: 2005-03-14
Packaged: 2019-02-05 14:27:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12796434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ursula/pseuds/Ursula
Summary: A brain damaged Alex Krycek is lovingly cared for by Mulder and Skinner as he slowly heals.





	1. Complete

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Haven, the archivist: This story was originally archived at [Fandom Haven Story Archive (FHSA)](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Fandom_Haven_Story_Archive), was scheduled to shut down at the end of 2016. To preserve the archive, I began working with the OTW to transfer the stories to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. If you are this creator and the work hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Fandom Haven Story Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/fhsa/profile).

Title: Innocence

 

Author/Pseudonym: Ursula

 

Fandom: X-Files

 

Pairing: M/K Sk/M Sk/K ust

 

Rating: NC-17

 

Status: Finished

 

Date Posted: 08-23-04

 

Archive: FHSA 

 

 

E-mail address for feedback: Fan4Richie or Ursula4X@aol.com

 

 

Classification: Discipline

 

Series/Sequel: Is this story part of a series: compiled series

 

Web Site: http://www.fhsarchive.com/stories/Ursula.html

 

Disclaimers: No profit, fan fiction for fun

 

 

Notes: The various stories were written for birthdays of members of the old Persuader's list. For an entire year and more, I wrote a snippet for every birthday on the list.

 

 

Warnings: Discipline and schmoopy

 

 

Time Frame: Post series

 

 

 

 

Innocence 

 

The face was as pale as the hospital sheets, bleached white as age worn marble. The slit of green eyes flickered and opened through the dark circles of swollen flesh.

 

 

"Krycek? Krycek, can you hear me?" Walter asked.

 

 

The gaze traveled over him and a small moan was the only reply.

 

 

Lights out. Krycek had returned to the deep sleep that he had been in for days.

 

 

Walter told the nurse, "Call me if he wakes."

 

 

Mulder stayed after. Walter turned to look and saw the expression as Mulder touched the bandaged head. Walter's occasional lover was no longer indifferent. He leaned down and kissed Krycek's cheek. "Wake up, Alex."

 

 

Eyes flickered open and the sweet bows of the lips smiled at Mulder before Krycek returned to sleep.

 

 

OoooOOoooO

 

 

Two months later, Walter drove Mulder to the cabin. Krycek sat with his nose pressed to the glass, fascinated by the outside world. He exclaimed in delight as they passed a herd of cows.

 

 

Turning to Mulder, Krycek tugged on his sleeve and pointed, "What?"

 

 

"Cows, Alex, cows," Mulder explained. He rolled his eyes as he glanced back at Walter.

 

 

"Pretty," Alex said. He yawned and turned away from the window. "Hungry," He said.

 

 

"We'll eat soon," Mulder replied. 

 

 

Alex smiled at that and snuggled against Mulder's shoulder. The wounds had healed miraculously or rather the nanocytes that infested the man's body had rebuilt him, healing even the ravaged wreck of the left arm.

 

 

The only thing that clearly showed that the event had happened was the shorn hair. 

 

 

"Waffles," Alex said.

 

 

"No, not today," Mulder said, "just sandwiches."

 

 

Feeling queasy as he remembered the shooting, Walter said, "What did the neurologist say about his condition? Does he think the memories will come back?"

 

 

Shrugging, Mulder replied, "He said that he didn't know. It's not exactly covered in the medical books."

 

 

"I don't know what we'll do with him if he doesn't get his memory back," Walter said.

 

 

"You know, Walter, he's a person," Mulder remarked. 

 

 

"Just because he's hurt doesn't make him any different," Walter said.

 

 

"I know," Mulder said, "but there are things I can't forget, my love."

 

 

Wincing, Walter looked away. Right, he had tried to block out too many of those memories already. 

 

 

OoooOOoooO

 

 

The cabin was deep in the woods. The road was worn to the point of near danger; Mulder would have to pay for having it graded.

 

 

Walter had bought the cabin as a fix me up and had been here once or twice for fishing. He had made it habitable but it still needed work. 

 

 

Grinning, Mulder stared at the cabin and said, "You remember that weekend we spent here."

 

 

"Didn't get much fishing done," Walter admitted.

 

 

"No, but I didn't hear you complaining," Mulder replied. He got out and stretched.

 

 

Alex tugged at Mulder's sleeve and said, "You said we would eat."

 

 

"Yes, I know. I'll get the food," Mulder said.

 

 

The cabin did have electricity and Walter had it turned on last week. The caretaker, who contracted to take care of the fishing lodges, had stocked some basic groceries and aired the place. Walter still thought that it was not Mulder's most rational plan, but the man was determined. No one could stop Mulder when he had his mind made up. 

 

 

Walter thought that at least Alex gave Mulder something else to focus on rather than just waiting for the alien rebels to contact them with a plan. The creatures had shown up to cure Krycek of the nanocytes and take their operative back. The aliens had been perturbed that "The human unit was not functional"

 

 

Mulder had told them he would take care of Alex. He had said that humans were fragile, but had amazing powers of recovery. The reward for Mulder's promise to care for the Alien's kidnapped ally was the cure of the nanocytes. Walter had thought he was out of danger with Krycek out of commission, but the rebels assured him that the plan to use the nanocytes wasn't Krycek's. 

 

 

Getting rid of the nanocytes had hurt as bad as having them used against him, but Scully had confirmed that they were gone. Walter was free, but he mistrusted the price.

 

 

However, Mulder told him that he would have left anyway. Not only was it safer for him to be away from Scully and her child, but also he had discovered that he couldn't force himself to love his partner the way she deserved. Mulder had done a lot of growing up with that decision.

 

 

So here they were, on their way to a cabin on the edge of nowhere. Mulder to live and Walter to get the two men situated.

 

 

Walter looked around at the old cabin and wondered about the family that had built it. They had chosen this remote place for a reason he supposed, but whatever it was had vanished with the last member of the family to live here. Walter had bought it for the tax money after the elderly man had passed away and no heir could be found.

 

 

As soon as the perishables had been put into the ancient avocado colored refrigerator, Mulder made sandwiches, cut fruit, and poured juice. Alex ate eagerly and without any hint of manners. Walter grunted and put his own hand over Alex's to stop him from grabbing another quarter of his sandwich while his mouth was stuffed chipmunk full.

 

 

"Slow down, no one's going to take your food," Walter growled.

 

 

Resentful green eyes glared at him. Walter said, "I'm not backing down. Finish chewing and take smaller bites."

 

 

Walter cut the remaining quarters in half and moved the plate slightly toward him. He told Mulder, "He can learn, Mulder. If you're going to work with him, you're going to have to treat him like a kid."

 

 

"I know, but it's not like anyone is here to be offended," Mulder said.

 

 

"Still, he can't be gulping his food like an animal," Walter said.

 

 

Mulder rolled his eyes and said, "I'm not his father."

 

 

"More like his keeper," Walter said. "Mulder..."

 

 

"Please, Walter, don't argue," Mulder said, "I need to stay out of sight and I may as well have a project while I'm doing this."

 

 

Walter snorted, but he shut up. He liked the idea of Mulder living here in the cabin Walter had bought. Mulder had been very amused by the pseudonym that Walter had used and had used it. He was living under the name of Winthorp Sanders.

 

 

Walter spent the weekend at the cabin. There was a lot to do to make the cabin into a comfortable home for Mulder and his charge. It would have been easier to accomplish without Alex wandering about, curious and totally lacking any semblance of boundaries. Walter learned to lock the door of the bathroom after the second time that Alex intruded on him. It drove him crazy that Mulder allowed the man to sleep in his bed. He wanted to make love to Mulder, but he hardly could do that with Alex in bed.

 

 

Mulder said, "When he's more secure, Walter, there will be time."

 

 

The kiss that his lover gave him offered a promise. Walter would have to be content with that. He drove away, feeling uneasy and dissatisfied. He was glad that Krycek had survived, but not happy that Mulder had taken the damaged man as a project.

 

 

OoooOOoooO

 

 

It was a full month before Walter could return to the cabin. He was surprised to see that the old chicken coop had been refurbished. Krycek was in the yard feeding a flock of chicks. He smiled at Walter with sunny childlike enthusiasm. 

 

 

"Hi, I remember you!" Alex said. He picked up a chick and held it to his face. "Mulder bought me chickens," He added. "We're going to have eggs when they get big."

 

 

Mulder ran to Walter's arms and greeted him with a kiss. "Missed you," he said warmly.

 

 

"Love you," Walter said, watching pleasure and shock vied in Mulder's face.

 

 

There was a long silence and then Mulder replied, "We've never said that to each other."

 

 

"You don't have to say it because I did," Walter said. "I was thinking about how it felt when you were missing. I never want to feel that way again. I kept thinking that I had never said what you meant to me."

 

 

Mulder kissed him again and then said, "I love you, but I thought you knew that."

 

 

Walter hadn't been sure, but the warmth flowed through him. He knew that he wanted to be with Mulder, all of the time. It wasn't possible now, but soon. He promised himself that.

 

 

OoooOOoooO

 

 

"Chickens," Walter remarked, watching Alex clean the chicken coop. The man was careful but not organized in his efforts. Occasionally, he would sweep the same spot for several moments before something cued him to move on. At other times, he was easily distracted, but managed to get back on track by looking at the picture signs that Mulder had put everywhere to remind him.

 

"Occupational therapy," Mulder said, "They keep him busy and amuse him. It's stimulating him to think independently."

 

 

As Krycek finished his work, he walked out of the coop. The bell rang and Alex frowned until he smiled, remembering to securely latch the door.

 

 

"Wash up now," Mulder said. He grinned at Walter and said, "It's coming back. He can talk in full sentences now and take care of himself with just a few prompts."

 

 

Walter was uneasy about interactions with the man. There was too much baggage, the memory of the pain that Alex had put him through and increasingly, the memory of the pleasure. It didn't help that Alex looked much as he had when the man had been part of them...the three of them stealing moments of lovemaking in Walter's king sized bed. It had been a long time since Walter had been inclined to remember that, but now with Alex underfoot...

 

 

However, Alex was willing to sleep in his own room now. Bless that and the fact that the man went to bed early. 

 

 

Things had progressed to the point of no return when Walter was aware of a sudden light. 

 

 

"What are you doing?" Alex asked.

 

 

"Get out," Walter roared.

 

 

Mulder said, "Hey, take it easy."

 

 

"Shut up, Mulder! Krycek, get the fuck out of here," Walter shouted.

 

 

Sniffling trailed behind Krycek. The moment was gone. Walter pulled his wilting erection from Mulder's body and groaned.

 

"Walter, we should have locked the door. Calm down. It's just Friday evening. We have the entire weekend to make love," Mulder said, getting up.

 

 

"Where are you going?" Walter said.

 

 

"I have to go check on him," Mulder said.

 

 

By the time, Walter had cooled down enough to leave the bedroom; Mulder was rocking Alex in his bed. 

 

 

"He scared me," Alex sniffed, pointing at Walter. "He's mean. You should spank him."

 

 

"Spank me?" Walter asked.

 

 

The blush told the story. Mulder said, "Well, yeah, it's the easy way to get the rules across. He seems to 

understand spanking more than lectures."

 

 

Mulder said to Krycek, "Walter does not get spanked when he's bad."

 

 

"Why?" Alex asked.

 

 

"Because he's...ah, he's different than you," Mulder said.

 

 

"Different is good," Alex said as if this was a frequent assertion.

 

 

Kissing Alex's forehead, Mulder said, "Yes, different the way you are is good."

 

 

Staring hard at Walter, Alex said, "I remember...we did that. What you were doing. It felt good."

 

 

"Christ," Skinner said. He backed out of the room and all the way to the outside.

 

 

Mulder came out a few moments later and put his arms around Walter's waist, resting his head on his shoulder. "Take it easy, Walter. Things are bound to come back."

 

 

"Yes, well, what are you going to do if he comes back and tries to finish what he threatened to do in that garage?" Walter asked.

 

 

"He won't. He couldn't do it then and he won't do it now. Walter, his body was so full of nanocytes that he couldn't even die. If anyone could understand what that meant, you're the one," Mulder said.

 

 

"I do understand," Walter said, "That's why I helped you, but it's hard for me to forget everything that happened."

 

"Don't forget, forgive," Mulder replied.

 

 

To the big hazel eyes, it was easy to say, "I will."

 

 

OoooOOoooO

 

 

The next morning, Walter woke early to make the waffles that were Alex's passion. The small nose came sniffing on the trail of the treat. "Waffles," Alex said.

 

 

"Yes, waffles to say I'm sorry that I yelled," Walter said.

 

 

A moment later, his arms were filled with green-eyed demon. He disengaged the man and said, "Alex, what..."

 

 

"It's good to be thankful," Alex said.

 

 

"Yes, but you don't kiss everyone that does someone nice for you," Walter lectured.

 

 

"Why?" Alex asked.

 

 

"Because," Walter said. He didn't want to get into a sex education lecture. He said, "Mulder will explain it to you."

 

 

"I used to kiss you. I remember," Alex argued. "I'm not stupid. I know you don't kiss everyone; Mulder taught me. But you liked to kiss me; I remember."

 

 

"Alex," Mulder said gently, "Go feed the chickens then you can have waffles."

 

 

After Alex left, Mulder said, "He's not a kid, Walter. He's a damaged adult and it's natural as he heals that he's going to have feelings, sexual feelings..."

 

 

"You're not going to..." Walter started and couldn't finish.

 

 

"Not until he's able to make a decision like that. Right now, he's having sexual feelings, but doesn't have the judgment to give consent," Mulder said.

 

 

"How can you even think about letting him back in your life?" Walter asked.

 

 

"He is back in my life," Mulder said. "I'm dealing with it. Are you trying to tell me that you don't have any feelings yet?"

 

 

"I won't lie to you. I've thought about him, but thinking...you're beyond that. You're talking about fucking him," Walter said.

 

 

"Making love to him," Mulder said. "Walter, you remember how good it was with the three of us."

 

 

Removing the last waffle from the iron, Walter said softly, "I remember."

 

 

Alex burst through the door and said, "Chickens are fed. Can I have waffles?" 

 

 

"Wash first," Mulder instructed.

 

 

"Okay," Alex said, running for the bathroom.

 

 

The discussion was tabled for now.

 

 

Walter curled the whipping cream on the waffle and added strawberries. He laid two bacon strips and an egg on the side. He barely had time to put it in Alex's place before the man shot into the seat.

 

 

"Waffles!" Alex said, with gusto. He grabbed a knife and fork and was quickly silent, eating with noisy pleasure.

 

 

After breakfast, Walter meant to go for a walk to the lake. He might do some fishing this time. He walked out on the porch, stretched, but before he could relax into the old rocking chair, he saw movement. Walter yelled, "Mulder, Alex's chickens are loose."

 

 

The pullets were all over the yard, happily scrabbling at the dead leaves and overturning every pebble in search of bugs to eat. 

 

 

"Alex! Alex, didn't you hear the bell? You didn't latch the pen," Mulder said.

 

 

The next two hours were spent chasing chickens. The tame birds were not good fliers, but they managed to flutter out of reach, time after time. All three men were sweating by the time the last stubborn bird was confined.

 

 

"That's nineteen," Mulder said.

 

 

"Salt is gone," Alex said. "I can't find her anywhere." He sat down on the porch and cried.

 

 

Mulder rocked him for a while and then said, "Alex, you know I put the bell there to remind you to latch the gate. Didn't you hear it?"

 

 

"I don't remember. I wanted my waffle," Alex said. He looked up and said, "Are you going to spank me?"

 

 

"Don't you need a spanking?" Mulder asked.

 

 

"Yes," Alex agreed, standing up. He dropped his jeans and underwear, crawling across Mulder's lap.

 

 

Walter tried not to look at the smooth ass. He felt how inappropriate it was to have the feelings the sight invoked. Mulder didn't seem to have that problem. His hand contacted Alex's ass in a steady rhythm. Walter knew how strong Mulder's arm was. He didn't envy Alex the force of the paddling.

 

 

The peach colored skin became a ripe peach. The center of Alex's ass slowly became deep scarlet. The white thighs reddened. Alex struggled and yelped, but didn't seriously try to get away. Mulder said, "That's all, Alex, all over now."

 

 

Snuffling, Alex righted himself and flung himself into Mulder's arms. He cried shamelessly. "I lost Salt. A dog will eat her. Poor Salt..."

 

 

Walter said, "I'll go look in the woods. Maybe Salt wanted something special to eat and went there."

 

 

Enough of Walter's farm childhood had returned to make him realize that the chicken would be either on the trail or in a clearing. They didn't like deep woods, preferring open ground to forage. Walter heard a squawk after an hour of looking. He saw the hen fluttering away as an opportunistic eagle swooped down. He yelled as he ran and the eagle aborted its dive so quickly that the king of birds did a clumsy near back flip. The predator shrieked indignantly as it flew away.

 

 

Salt had enough adventure. She quivered on the ground and didn't protest as Walter scooped her up. He triumphantly returned the bird to her owner.

 

 

This time, Walter didn't protest as Alex embraced him. He patted Alex's back and said, "It's okay. You need to be careful even if I cook waffles."

 

 

"Yes, I will," Alex said. He rubbed his sore behind. "My butt will remind me."

 

 

"I imagine it will," Walter said.

 

 

OoooOOoooO

 

The rest of the weekend went well. Alex remembered to lock the hen house. Walter remembered to lock the bathroom and bedroom door.

 

 

As Walter hesitated after kissing Mulder goodbye, Alex sidled up to throw arms around him. He said, "I don't want you to go."

 

 

"I have to work," Walter said, "but I'll come back."

 

 

"Come back and stay?" Alex asked.

 

 

"As soon as I can," Walter promised, but as he spoke the words the real vow was to Mulder.

 

 

They were fighting a battle still, but Walter knew that his usefulness in the FBI was coming to an end. Soon, he could turn in the letter of resignation waiting in his desk drawer. Soon he could return to this cabin to wait with Mulder...wait and plan.

 

 

As for Alex...

 

 

Walter could find it in his heart to forgive him. He was an innocent now and only time would see what role he would play in the coming days.

 

 

The End part one

 

 

 

Tarnished Innocence 

 

 

All Walter knew was that Mulder's voice sounded thin, as near hysteria as the normally fearless agent ever sounded. Walter had used every precaution to conceal his identity and to make sure that no one, not even Doggett or Scully, could trace him. He was surprised that the thin haze of subterfuge around the ownership of the cabin was still effective. He didn't know what to think about Mulder's call last night.

 

 

"Walter, get over here. Something's happened and I need you," Mulder had said.

 

 

Walter hadn't hesitated. He called in sick and used a friend's credit card to rent a car. He hoped that Alex had not turned on Mulder. Although his thoughts often turned to the sweet gamin creature that seemed to be all that was left of the former double agent, Walter still secretly worried that the man would eventually turn on Mulder.

 

 

OooOooO

 

 

The cabin seemed deserted. Walter used his key to enter and yelled, "Mulder?" His heart was beating fast and he was sweating, sure that something terrible had happened to his lover.

 

 

A sad voice said, "In here, in our room."

 

 

The bed held a distressed looking Mulder and Alex. The innocent clung to Mulder, his face buried in Mulder's neck.

 

"Mulder? What happened?" Walter said.

 

 

"No, no," Alex wept, struggling to hold even tighter to Mulder.

 

 

"Alex, it's just me," Walter said. "The man who helps you feed the chickens."

 

"Mulder, Mulder," Alex wept and clung harder to his security.

 

 

"What happened?" Walter asked.

 

 

"Salt took off for the woods again. That hen was nothing but trouble. Alex went to look for her, remembering what you said about chickens liking to go to the wood to look for different foods," Mulder explained. "I didn't think anything of it when he didn't come back right away. He's been doing so well."

 

 

As Alex struggled, apparently trying to climb into Mulder, Walter saw the side of his face. It was swollen and bruised. The scratches that ran down his cheek and along his neck were raw and sore looking.

 

 

"As far as I can construct, he had found Salt in a muddy patch of ground and after catching her, he decided to wash off in the stream. He might have been masturbating from what he said when I found him. He'd been doing that more often lately. I told him that people usually do that in private and he seemed to understand, but he might have thought the woods were private," Mulder said.

 

 

"It's hunting season," Walter said. He groaned. Not all hunters were sportsmen. Some liked to hunt for the skill. Some wanted the meat. A few wanted a license to hurt and kill.

 

 

"How did they hurt him?" Walter asked. He sat on the bed and reached for Alex. He didn't realize it would cause his heart to ache so badly to have the man sob and cringe away.

 

 

"They raped him. I found him in the woods, battered and bleeding, clutching the dead body of that stupid hen. I knew the nanocytes would heal him physically, but I can't seem to reach him mentally. Walter, he had been doing so well. I taught him to read again and he was conversing on an adult level. Now, we have a total set back. Worse than that. At least before, he was happily childlike. Now, he's a terrified animal," Mulder said. 

 

 

"Have you eaten?" Walter asked.

 

 

"What? I ate yesterday, I think. I finally was able to get Alex to eat. I had to spoon feed him, but he ate," Mulder answered.

 

 

"I'll make soup," Walter said. His mother always held by soup as a cure for most things.

 

 

Mulder was able to coax Alex out to the kitchen. He was bundled in layers of clothing until his usually powerful stride seemed awkward and hampered. Mulder wisely chose to eat in the breakfast nook. It had a bench, which allowed Alex to press closer.

 

 

Putting two bowls down, Walter said, "Mulder, eat."

 

 

Automatically, Mulder picked up the spoon and turned to feed Alex. Walter cleared his throat and said, "Agent Mulder, if he's hungry, he'll eat. What happened was horrible, but he has to start recovering somewhere. He won't if you smother him in care."

 

 

A fiery glare from Alex suggested that somewhere Krycek was still alive beneath the innocent face and childish manners. He shoved the bowl away that Walter had set in front of him. It sloshed on the table. Krycek tugged at Mulder's arm, making him lose the spoonful of soup on the way.

 

 

Mulder sighed; a liquid exhausted sound, and prepared to feed Alex rather than himself. Walter said, "Mulder, eat." He smiled and added, "Or I'll spank you like you spank Alex. If it works for him…"

 

 

"You wouldn't?" Mulder said.

 

 

"Wouldn't I?" Walter grinned.

 

 

"Not going to take the chance," Mulder said. He glanced at Alex and said, "Alex, Walter says feed yourself."

 

 

Walter cleaned up the mess and pushed the bowl back at Alex. 

 

 

Alex glared at him and very deliberately picked the bowl up and flung it at Walter. The chicken soup had cooled so Walter wasn't burned, but he had as much as he could take.

 

 

Grabbing Alex, Walter turned him over his knee and swatted him. Mulder looked shocked, but to Walter's surprise, Alex didn't seem frightened. He cried, but seemed almost relieved not to be treated as if he was made of rice paper.

 

 

Walter left Alex's many layers of sweatpants up so it probably only was a vague string, but Alex cried as if it was a bare-behind spanking. Walter dried his eyes for him and said, "You mustn't throw things, Alex."

 

 

"Okay," Alex said, "sorry." He looked at Walter expectantly for a moment and then said, "You do that wrong. Now you hold me."

 

 

An armful of tall and solidly built Alex filled Walter's startled arms. He was surprised but adaptable. Walter gently rocked the man and said, "Now, now, it's all better now."

 

 

A finger lifting the still drooping lip, Walter said, "You still have to feed yourself the soup, but I bought ice cream for a treat. To Russia with Buzz. That's still your favorite, isn't it, Alex?"

 

 

Feathered fronds of lashes blinked at him. Alex looked at the bowl and then slowly raised the spoon to his mouth. He took a few spoonfuls and then with a defiant look at Walter, picked up the bowl and drank the rest in a few greedy gulps. He licked at his lips and shoved the bowl at Walter insistently.

 

 

"Would you like more, Alex? Say 'Please'" Walter insisted.

 

 

Finally, in a small dry husk of a voice, Alex said, "Please…thank you."

 

 

"Good boy," Walter said.

 

 

"Not a boy," Alex said. "Not a good boy. I don't want to be a good boy for them."

 

 

"Oh, shit," Mulder said, "How many times have I said, 'be a good boy' over the last day?"

 

 

Walter said, "Don't slam yourself, Mulder. You couldn't have known. I can't understand why he's responding to me so easily. It's you that he loved."

 

 

Mulder's flicker of a smile suggested that Walter was missing something, but he didn't have a clue what was going on in the quicksilver of Mulder's mind. He filled Alex's bowl with a smaller second helping and finished his own soup.

 

 

After ice cream, Walter said, "Get some sleep, Mulder, if those dark circles get any bigger, they'll be around your navel. I'll entertain Alex."

 

 

Sorting through the movies in the case, Walter rejected Plan 9 from Outer Space, Young Frankenstein, Day of the Dead, and finally settled on Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Alex and Mulder both loved that movie. They had spouted the dialog on every occasion in those halcyon days when the two of them graced Walter's bed.

 

 

Alex started in a huddle as far away from Walter as he could get, but as the movie progressed, he crept nearer until their thighs touched. Finally, Alex reached up and tugged Walter's arm over his shoulders. He leaned into the self-created embrace with a soft sigh.

 

 

"I'm sorry what those men did to you," Walter said. He stroked Alex's soft hair and said, "I wish you remembered what it was like before…before you left Mulder and me."

 

 

Damn, it still was painful. Anger had numbed the loss until Mulder had claimed the shell of their former lover from the hospital. Seeing Alex so frequently, touching him, but never in the way they had formerly enjoyed, made Walter miss the past. It had seemed so real at the time. They used to talk about the future, about a life where the three of them could live openly as lovers together. Now, this was the dregs of that dream.

 

 

Green eyes stared at him and then Alex's finger traced the path of tears. "Sorry, I'm sorry," Alex said

 

 

"Alex, you didn't do anything wrong," Walter assured. "Watch the movie."

 

 

Alex settled back, but his head grew heavy on Walter's shoulder. Walter looked down at a profile of closed eyes, sweet slack sleeping face. He carefully adjusted Alex to the pillow of his lap. One hand crept forward and held onto the leg, anchoring himself to the safety of Walter's body.

 

 

After both Alex and Mulder woke, Walter went out to feed the chickens. He winced when he found the bedraggled form of Alex's favorite and contrary hen lying on a barrel. Mulder must have tossed it there and forgotten it. No matter that Walter grew up wringing a chicken's neck for dinner with as little thought as one might have about peeling a potato; this was sad.

 

 

A sob came from Alex, who had followed him out. "Salt," he said with a quavering voice. "She's dead. They killed her and laughed at me when I cried. They were bad men."

 

 

Walter said, "We'll have a funeral for Salt, Alex. I'm sorry it happened. I know you loved her."

 

 

"I was a bad man," Alex said. "I remember sometimes. That's why you wouldn't touch me before. That's why the bad men did that to me."

 

 

"Fuck!" Mulder raged, "I want to find those bastards!"

 

 

"It isn't why, Alex," Walter said, "Those men didn't rape you because you were bad. You were innocent and they wanted to hurt you. Do you think they killed Salt because she was bad?"

 

 

Looking at the limp bundle of feathers, Alex sobbed quietly. He said, "She was a good hen. She just liked to go in the woods."

 

 

"Come on, we'll have a funeral," Walter said, remembering what had comforted his younger sister, Sarah. Sarah had a tender heart. She always had wounded creatures in her room. When she lost one of her foundling patients, she was always bereft and Walter would stage elaborate funerals to distract her.

 

 

Choosing the edge of the woods, Walter dug a deep hole and lined it with moss. Alex carefully put the ripening body of the hen into the soft bed and knelt, weeping.

 

 

"Now, you say something about Salt," Walter advised.

 

 

"She was a good hen and when she was a chick, she liked to peck my ear. She always let me hold her close when I was sad," Alex said. "Lord bless her and keep her, Amen."

 

 

Walter said, "Amen." He glanced at Mulder and his lover nodded back. Another little buried piece of Alex had popped forward. Despite the records provided by the alien rebels, no scrap of evidence had surfaced about Alex's family. It was as if the teenage boy who had been chosen as a tool by Spender had popped from a test tube. However, Walter was sure that Alex had once had a family. Spender wouldn't have taught Alex that childish prayer.

 

 

The three men carefully put rocks over the grave to keep the wild dogs from digging the hen up. Walter winced as he imagined what his practical grandmother would have said about burying a barnyard fowl.

 

 

OooOooO

 

"Alex, can you be very brave and tell me about the men who hurt you?" Walter asked.

 

 

"Please? No," Alex said, huddling away into Mulder's arms.

 

 

"Alex, what those men did was very bad," Walter said. "If they did it to you, they might do it to someone else, a kid, maybe."

 

 

"It's bad to hurt kids," Alex agreed. He frowned and said, "I did that though. Don't like to think about the bad Alex. But I didn't hurt him that way! That's for grownups."

 

 

"Yes, it is for grownups and only for ones that say yes," Mulder said, kissing Alex's forehead.

 

 

"I'm a grownup really," Alex said with a frown. "It hurt when they did it, but I remember…I like it with you. I used to like having you inside me. I did, didn't I?"

 

 

"Oh, yes, Alex, you did. Just like I used to enjoy it when you did it to me," Mulder said. "But that’s different. Those men just wanted to hurt you."

 

 

A shudder wracked Alex's body and he sobbed again until he cried himself to sleep.

 

 

Mulder sighed and said, "He's snapping back quickly, but the longer it takes for him to remember, the less likely it is that they will be caught."

 

 

Walter nodded. He wished he didn't have this rage when he considered what had happened to Alex. He didn't want to see those men tried. He wanted to rip them limb from limb with his bare hands.

 

 

OooOooO

 

Over the next week, Alex slowly recovered. Walter realized he was going to have to make a decision soon about going back. 

 

 

The sun was shining brightly and the cabin was lit with warmth. Walter had bought an old porch swing at a local yard sale. Refurbished with the amateur help of Mulder and Alex, it now swung from heavy chains. The bright paint had dried; even the thick patch that had resulted when Alex had one of his fixated neurological glitches and repainted the same spot for ten minutes before Mulder noticed and moved him onward.

 

 

Walter sat in the middle with Mulder leaning happily on one side. Alex gave up an attempt to fit between the two lovers and had opted for Walter's other side. It felt like heaven. Other than for friendship, why should Walter go back?

 

 

Walter's mobile phone rang. It was Doggett, of course, trust the man to try to be Walter's call to arms. Doggett said, "Sir, we have a couple hunters dying with some symptoms that remind me of one of Mulder's old cases."

 

 

"Which one," Walter asked.

 

 

"The death of man named Orgel. The hunters have similar symptoms," Doggett said.

 

 

"I thought that file had been removed," Walter said, with a glance at Mulder.

 

 

"Mulder gave me some copies of his private files," Doggett said.

 

 

"He did, did he?" Walter said, with a stern look at Mulder.

 

 

"Yeah, he did," Doggett said, "These jerks are telling some story about screwing a whore without condoms. They think they are dying of some kind of super AIDS, but if they screwed anyone, it wasn't a whore. They have scratch marks and bites as well as being bruised. I think they raped someone."

 

 

"I see," Walter said. "Keep me informed. I'm thinking, Doggett."

 

 

"Thinking, Sir?" Doggett said.

 

 

"Of retiring," Walter said.

 

 

"Oh," Doggett said, "I can understand that."

 

 

Which was why the man sounded like a kicked puppy dog . . .

 

 

"But it sounds as if it is a very interesting case, I'd like to know if anything else turns up on it," Walter said.

 

 

As he gave the facts to Mulder, he saw a queasy expression cross his face. "Mulder, what's wrong?"

 

 

"Those hunters have to be the ones that raped Alex. He had blood under his nails and skin. He didn't just lie still to be raped. I think they got what they deserved, but, Walter . . . Alex and I . . ."

 

 

"You didn't?" Walter said, terrified for a moment.

 

 

"Yeah, well, he was in bed with me and I woke up with him touching me. It just seemed so natural to let it happen. I didn't even think about his mental state. You know what Alex could do to me. That hasn't changed. I didn't think about protection either," Mulder said. "I let him come in my mouth and I swallowed."

 

 

"Jesus, Mulder…" Walter said.

 

 

The next week was spent in terror, especially after the hunters died. However, Mulder remained his hyperactive self. He wasn't sick although the blood samples that Walter had tested showed loads of nanocytes. Walter's blood was just as infested although the nanocytes had mutated to a different form from those that Scully had originally detected. The final conclusion was that the three of them were cross-infected, bound together by the common alien alteration to their bodies.

 

 

Walter concluded that he shouldn't risk infecting others. He should stay here. Stay with Mulder and Alex.

 

 

Besides, if Mulder spanked Alex, it seemed as if there was a time or two when he deserved exactly the same. Walter grinned to himself and eyes Mulder's wiggling butt as he lay on the floor, reviewing seventh grade grammar with Alex. At the rate that Alex was learning, he'd be back to university level within a year; which reminded Walter, there was a delayed conversation he had to have with Mulder. He needed to discuss something about unprotected sex and thinking with the wrong head.

 

 

The end of part 2 

 

 

Still Innocent 

 

 

 

Feet kicked slowly in time to Alex's progress through his high school social studies text. The pencil end in Alex's mouth was thoroughly chewed. He frowned again and said, "I don't really understand. If Martin Luther King was a good man, why did someone kill him?"

 

"That's hard to explain, Alex," Walter said. He thought about the complexity of the story behind the story. No, Alex wasn't really mature enough to hear about FBI surveillance and illegal wiretapping.

 

Scooting off the chair, Walter sat down on the rug next to Alex. "You know people believe strongly in things and they act in ways that they know are wrong."

 

Shutting the book, Alex's big green eyes stared into Walter's brown eyes. "Is that what I did?"

 

Oh God, Walter had been praying that Alex's memories stayed behind the curtain that shielded him from the horrors of the past. Despite the fact that Walter had not touched him sexually yet, he wanted to have him. He was falling in love with Alex by the day. He saw in Alex's unfurling intelligence, the bright young man he thought he had known and worse, thought he loved. The feelings he thought had died reawakened infused with a new tenderness.

 

Resting his hand on Alex's arm, Walter said, "Alex, are you having bad dreams again?"

 

"Sometimes, when Mulder sleeps with you," Alex said honestly.

 

Walter wasn't altruistic enough to offer to skip his nights with Mulder to prevent the bad dreams. He said, "I'll make you some warm milk tonight."

 

"We could all sleep together," Alex said. "Then I would sleep well."

 

"Alex, I'm just not ready for that yet," Walter said. "Later, when you're...older."

 

"I'm not a stupid kid," Alex said sulking. "I was sick and now I'm better. Much better."

 

It was true that Alex's intelligence wasn't affected, not the overall ability to process information. His language skills were slowly coming back to what they had been. So was his knowledge base. He was a fascinating blend of adult and child. 

 

"I remember you used to love me," Alex observed, looking at Walter from beneath his long lashes. 

 

Damn, the man still manipulated. Even thinking that, Walter found himself responding, he said, "I love you now, but I don't want to start anything with you until you remember more of what happened. We hurt each other badly, Alex."

 

"What if I never remember?" Alex asked. "Why does it matter? I know my body remembers you. I want you."

 

"We don't always get what we want," Walter said. He brushed a lock of hair out of Alex's eyes and kissed his forehead. "Finish your work."

 

"You didn't really answer my question," Alex said. "I know I did terrible things, but I don't understand why. I must have had a reason."

 

"I know you had reasons," Walter said, frowning, "But you never told anyone the truth. We know you were working for the rebels at the end, but we don't know why or how long you had been on that side."

 

"Why couldn't they have fixed my brain correctly?" Alex said. "If they could make me well in every other way, why not restore my memories?"

 

"I suppose they have limitations like the rest of us," Walter said. "You finish your chapter and take the test. I'm going to chop some firewood. By the time we both finish, Mulder will be back with groceries."

 

"Thanksgiving groceries?" Alex asked.

 

"Yes, Thanksgiving groceries, I made him a careful list," Walter said.

 

"Do Russian celebrate Thanksgiving?" Alex asked.

 

"I know one Russian who will from now on," Walter said. "You'll like it. It revolves around food."

 

There was a gobble from the yard as Walter walked out. He rolled his eyes at the big turkey that came running up the moment he stepped out. One of the neighbors had brought it over as tiny poult; he intended them to raise it for Thanksgiving dinner. Mulder had looked at the ball of fluff and laughed. He said, "May as well name it. Alex will never let us eat it."

 

Alex had declared the turkey's name to be Tom-Tom. It was the tamest bird in the flock and still followed him around like a giant misplaced chick. Walter smirked at the bird as he raised the ax. "Yeah, yeah, you are one lucky bird."

 

As an afterthought, Walter took some bread he just happened to have slipped in his pocket and fed the feathered bandit. Goose sounded good for Thanksgiving anyway. He just hoped no one ever gave Alex a gosling or they would never have anything to eat on holidays. Not only was Tom Tom off limits, but all of his kin as well.

 

OooOooO

 

Mulder pulled up just as Walter layered the fresh wood artistically on the top of the pile. Dusting his hands, Walter strode over to help lug the bounty into the cabin. Alex jetted out, long legs eating up the distance. His enthused kiss distracted Mulder enough to make him drop the bag of canned goods, breaking the bag and scattering the supplies everywhere.

 

Grumbling, Walter picked up the cans. Alex joined the scramble, brushing Tom-Tom aside as the gobbler investigated the canned olives.

 

Hauling sack after sack into the kitchen, Walter was grateful for the huge pantry. Six pies cooled on the baker's rack, one apple, one mincemeat, a peach, a lemon meringue, and two pumpkin pies. There were ample stores of everything. Mulder was paranoid about supply chains being interrupted. He liked the security of the deep, well-packed shelves.

 

"Wash the yams and potatoes, Alex. We should get as much done as possible tonight," Walter said.

 

"Okay," Alex said, rolling up his sleeves. He lugged the vegetables to the sink and grabbed the brush.

 

When they had finished as much of the dinner as could be completed ahead of time, Walter pulled out his old guitar and played as Alex drank his warm milk. He chose a soothing old Russian folk song, 

 

Lullaby, my little baby,

Close your eyes so bright,

While the moon pours o'er the cradle,

All her silvery light.

While the moon pours o'er the cradle,

All her silvery light.

 

Alex's eyes were blinking by the time Walter finished his song. Mulder and Walter accompanied Alex to his bed and tucked him in. Both of them kissed him and wished him sweet dreams. 

 

OooOooO

 

Walter said, "Alone at last," as he reached for his lover. 

 

"Mmmm, stuff me, big boy," Mulder said in his voice, that somehow managed to be both flat and sultry. The humor that danced in Mulder's voice was welcome. How Walter remembered the increasing depression and anxiety in his lover's voice. Everything had gone to hell, but it was all right now.

 

Mulder in his arms after they both came, Walter would have thought nothing could wake him, but a sudden noise brought both of them out of bed. Walter looked across at Mulder's naked body, every muscle snapped to tense perfection, his gun at ready.

 

Neither man lowered their guns until they saw that the source of the noise was a spilled ice cube tray. Alex looked at them, big eyes terrified. He said, "I was hot so I was going to make an iced tea."

 

"Hot?" Mulder asked, turning around to give his gun to Walter to put away. "It's cold in the house, Alex. Did you drink or eat anything? I want to check your temperature."

 

"No, I just took the ice out," Alex said, squatting to pick up the mess.

 

"Okay, it's all right, love," Walter said.

 

By the time that Walter had put away the guns, Mulder had a thermometer in Alex's mouth. The two men went to put on robes as the house was too cold for nudity. When they returned, Mulder read Alex's temperature. It was two degrees above normal. Alex reported that he didn't feel sick to his stomach and he wasn't coughing. Mulder said, "Walter, I don't want him to be alone if he is sick. Do you want me to sleep in Alex's bed?"

 

"No, he can sleep with us," Walter said.

 

Alex looked very pleased with the prospect, but Walter didn't think that Alex knew enough subterfuge to fake being ill. He had a niggling doubt, knowing Alex hated to sleep by himself.

 

Alex had a normal temperature and no symptoms the next day.

 

OooOooO

 

By morning, Alex was his usual self, up early to feed his chickens and lucky Tom-Tom Turkey a good breakfast. He diligently cut a tray of vegetables as his share of food preparation. Mulder stirred and basted under Walter's command. Walter was the best cook. Sharon had never cared for that role so Walter had taken a cooking class in self-defense. It had been a while since he had used the skills, but since moving to the cabin, he had taken over most of the cooking with pleasure.

 

Doggett, Scully, Monica, and Jeff Spender were coming to dinner. Mulder had finally softened to his half-brother and Alex apparently had known Jeff better than anyone thought. He had hugged Jeff when Mulder had brought the man home for a visit. Sometime during the visit, Alex's rebel friends had cured Jeff of the afflictions his father had caused with his experiments. At least, that was the only explanation that anyone had for Jeff going to sleep looking as if someone had thrown acid in his face and waking as the handsome young man he once been.

 

All of the guests were staying at the nearby motel. Not even Jeff had opted for the cabin tonight. It might have been that Mulder and Alex were loud the one time that Jeff stayed.

 

OooOooO

 

The dinner went beautifully. There were no arguments. Thank God, no one decided to discuss the more unusual X Files. Doggett had no comments at all about Alex. Scully was too busy with William to tell Mulder what a mistake he was making. As for Reyes, her naturally outgoing and kind nature made her go way out of her way to keep Alex from feeling uncomfortable. Jeff seemed to take everything in stride. Walter was almost jealous of the way the formerly annoying agent evoked fragments of Alex's memory. 

 

Alex had little interest in the football games that everyone else adored. Scully allowed him to take William out to play with the chickens although she kept an eye on them from the window seat. 

 

Slow and sedate as a result of a huge meal, it didn't matter who slept with whom that night so Walter had no comment when Alex climbed into his bed. Mulder wandered into the room, tousled, hazy eyed, and looking more delectable than anything that had been put on the table. He shrugged and took the other side of the bed. No one so much as snored.

 

OooOooO

 

After seeing their visitors off, the three men had very little to do except eat leftovers. 

 

"I like this holiday," Alex declared. "Eating is a good thing to celebrate."

 

Putting down his paper, Walter said, "It's not really about eating. It's about being thankful."

 

The funny crease returned over Alex's nose. He said, "I'm thankful every day."

 

"You are?" Walter said.

 

"Yes," Alex answered, giving Walter a cautious eye as he opened the refrigerator door and removed the last piece of pumpkin pie. 

 

Although it was only ten in the morning, Walter decided that it was late enough to allow Alex to have the pie he wanted to eat for breakfast. He nodded permission. 

 

"Mmm," Alex sighed as he took his first bite. "I wish we could have pumpkin pie every day.

 

"You would soon grow tired of it," Walter said. "When you like something, you shouldn't have it all of the time."

 

"I have Mulder almost every day and I still like him," Alex pointed out. "Mulder and you are my biggest thanks to give."

 

That was said so sincerely that Walter had to smile. He said, "I think that's a different thing. When you are in love, you don't get tired of making love to your lover."

 

The frown that furled across Alex's face was quick and dark. He said, "But you loved me and now you won't make love to me."

 

"Alex, stop pushing. The fact that I won't have sex with you has nothing to do with my loving you. Right now, I just wouldn't feel comfortable," Walter said.

 

Walter had accepted that Alex and Mulder were in a sexual relationship. He understood that Alex had a man's passions and interests despite his naive nature after his injury. What kept him from taking what he desired was worry that Alex would suddenly remember the sound and the fury of the past and hate him for taking advantage of him when his mind was clouded.

 

Finishing his pie, Alex went to let his chickens roam around the yard. He had finally succeeded in training them to go back into the pen, more or less on command. Lately there had been a hawk circling so he never let them out unless he was right there. The death of his favorite hen, Salt, still bothered him. 

 

Walter shuddered as he considered the natural life span of chickens. Eventually, Alex was going to have to face death again. Walter had explained to him that things died most of the time because they were old or sick. Alex kept saying that they shouldn't die if you were good and careful. Nothing Mulder or Walter said could persuade him otherwise. Walter supposed that experience would have to be Alex's teacher for this hard lesson.

 

Having finished his session with the Lone Gunmen on his computer, Mulder wandered out in the room. He went to the window to check on Alex before going to the refrigerator for a snack and some iced tea.

 

"Good to be alone again," Mulder observed.

 

"It's too bad the Gunmen couldn't have joined us," Walter said.

 

"Well, you know, since they decided to play dead, they are more paranoid than ever. They won't even tell me where they are hiding," Mulder said.

 

"I suppose," Walter said. "I think the dinner went well. Everyone is getting used to the idea of Alex."

 

"Yes, I thought Scully would be the hard one. It surprised me that Doggett was the last to come around," Mulder remarked.

 

"John's pretty black and white," Walter remarked. "Harboring a man with all of Alex's history can barely described as gray."

 

"I guess. You know? I was never prepared to like John. The man had my place, next to Scully, my office. I felt like he took over my life. After you know him though, you can't help but to respect him and even like him," Mulder said.

 

"And your life was far from taken" Walter remarked. "You're more your old self out here than you were the last two years at the bureau."

 

"And I have you and Alex," Mulder said. He sat on the couch next to Walter, leaning into him. "Walter, about Alex..."

 

"Let's not discuss that," Walter reproved. "I'd rather just think about tonight. It's our night."

 

"Mmm, yes," Mulder said. His eyes glowed like a cat in front of a fireplace.

 

OooOooO

 

This time, the noise of vomiting interrupted Walter before the last shocks of pleasure vibrated through him. Mulder was up and moving before Walter was all the way out.

 

Even though Walter had finished, he didn't appreciate Mulder jumping out of bed. Resentfully, Walter pulled on a robe and followed the voices into the bathroom.

 

Alex sat on the toilet looking pale but somehow satisfied.

 

"He threw up," Mulder said.

 

"He's been stuffing himself with rich food all day, no wonder," Walter growled.

 

Walter had his suspicions, but he didn't voice them until he observed that Alex was fit as a fiddle the rest of the night.

 

Well, Walter remembered a cure for such behaviors ALA Mother Skinner.

 

OooOooO

 

Setting a thin bowl of creamed rice cereal in front of Alex, Walter blithely shoveled waffles onto his and Mulder's plates.

 

"I want waffles too," Alex said in shock.

 

"Oh, but you were sick last night," Walter said. "Cream of Rice is the best thing for that."

 

Walter's penchant for Cream of Rice dated back to Vietnam. No matter how bad rations could taste; there was no way you could screw up Cream of Rice. He always had some in the cupboard, preferring it to Cream of Wheat or the other more common hot cereals of the type. Alex ate it, but then Alex ate everything. 

 

But waffles...waffles were Alex's favorite food.

 

"I feel fine today," Alex said. "I don't feel sick."

 

"We have to be careful," Walter said. "Two unknown illnesses aren't good. This time, you will have to stay in bed all day."

 

"All day?" Alex said, voice dropping into a whine.

 

"All day," Walter declared.

 

Mulder had argued that Alex couldn't have been faking his illness when Walter had explained this plan. Now, shrewd hazel eyes were narrowing as he observed Alex's reactions.

 

"Except when I have to feed my chickens and Tom-tom?" Alex suggested hopefully.

 

"No, love," Mulder said, "I'll take care of that for you. Walter is right. We have to be careful with you."

 

Time passed. At lunchtime, Walter made prime beef sandwiches rich with horseradish for Mulder and he. Alex had a tray with beef broth and Jell-O. The shock on Alex's face was priceless.

 

"You'll have the same for dinner," Walter explained as Alex picked up his spoon.

 

The utensil dropped with a clatter. Alex said, "No!"

 

"Can't be helped. You were sick," Walter said.

 

Now Alex's mouth trembled. He said, "No, I wasn't. I just remembered that when I was sick that one time a few weeks ago, you and Mulder let me sleep in your bed. So I rubbed the thermometer the first time and I put my finger in my throat last night to make myself throw up. I read about that in a book. There were more ideas, but I was pretty sure that you wouldn't be fooled by painted on spots."

 

"Alex, love, you know I told you that you mustn't try anything you read in a book or saw on TV without talking to Walter or I," Mulder said.

 

"I know, but this didn't hurt anyone," Alex said.

 

"It hurt Walter," Mulder said. "I sleep with you almost all of the time. I want to sleep with Walter sometimes."

 

"I want to sleep with Walter too," Alex replied.

 

"Alex, we've had this conversation," Walter said. "I want you, but I'm not ready to resume having sex with you. I'm not sure you're ready, no matter what you think."

 

Alex's expression, lowered eyes, twist of mouth, combined with the toss of his head startled Walter. That was the man he had known.

 

"I think you're just afraid that I'll be bad again and you'll hate me or have to hurt me," Alex said.

 

"No, that's not it," Walter said, lying a little.

 

"But even if we don't have sex, I could still sleep with you. I'm not jealous of you and Mulder. I just don't like being alone," Alex said.

 

Walter hadn't considered that. He felt a bit foolish. However, before he conceded there was another matter.

 

"Lying and making the people love you worry aren't right," Walter said. "I don't think you will ever make the same mistakes with this life as you did with your old, but you know, we are trying to make sure you know right from wrong."

 

"I was already punished by not having waffles and good sandwiches," Alex suggested.

 

"Alex, that was not a punishment exactly. If you had been sick, that would have been good sense to make sure you only had easy to digest food," Walter explained.

 

"After you spank me, can I get up and have something good to eat?" Alex asked hopefully.

 

Walter felt relieved. For Alex to feel that a spanking was not as bad as being confined to his room and kept on an invalid's diet made Walter feel that he was doing something right. Maybe Alex did trust him.

 

"I think you should have the spanking and stay in your room until dinner," Walter said. 

 

Watching the disappointed face, Walter said, "But after I spank you, I'll lie down with you. Maybe Mulder will too."

 

"Sure, I will," Mulder said. He looked at Walter with a glint of humor. "But Walter is right. What you did deserved a spanking and more. What if you were really sick and I thought you were faking?"

 

"That would be bad," Alex agreed. "I'm sorry I made you worry."

 

Sitting on the bed, Walter felt the yielding of the mattress beneath his weight. Alex liked a soft bed. "Come here," Walter said, patting his legs.

 

The slow reluctant movements of his former lover and his current...charge reminded Walter of his last dog. Walter always knew that Chance had been up to no good when he approached in that way, obedience fighting a conditioned association between rule-breaking and discipline.

 

Alex sighed as he pulled off the underwear that was all he had been wearing and put them carefully in the hamper. He settled over Walter's lap, faintly trembling.

 

"Discipline, Alex, not torture. You know that this will hurt, but I am disciplining you with love. It won't last forever and it won't hurt for long. Just long enough for you to remember. Twenty swats as this was serious," Walter said.

 

"Okay," Alex said, in a shaky voice.

 

Walter had to close his eyes for a moment before the vision of that silken ass draped over his legs. He remembered kissing the hollow of that back; his fingers had gripped those broad, strong shoulders in passion, leaving red indentations in the pale flesh.

 

Not that yet...but Walter knew he wanted Alex. Soon, he would sit him down and tell him what had happened between them. Then if Alex still wanted him...

 

The moment was now.

 

Drawing his hand back, Walter lowered it swiftly. The crack of firm hand against soft flesh was like thunder. Alex yelped. Rapidly, Walter swatted three more times. Alex whimpered and his breath hitched. 

 

"I'm sorry," Alex whispered, his voice taking on that throaty rasp Walter remembered from other occasions, some of pleasure and others imbued with pain.

 

"I know you are," Walter said. "But you are still getting sixteen more swats."

 

"Oh," Alex mourned. "I really am sorry. I'll never do it again."

 

"That's good," Walter said. His mother had always said that discipline should always be no less and no more than said. He held back for most of the blows. He knew he had the point across. Despite his forbearance, Alex's ass glowed as red as a ripe tomato by the time he was done.

 

Holding Alex in his arms, Walter stroked his hair and back. This was what he feared to lose even to gain his lover back. He had once thought he would never forgive Alex, but he had been wrong. Now he cherished the relationship he had with the fey creature that the alien's healing had created even as he desired the relationship they had once had. He no longer hated Alex and he didn't feel as if he could bear having Alex hate him. Walter was caught in a moral dilemma.

 

Mulder brought a cool compress for Alex's burning flesh. His eyes questioned Walter for a moment before he applied the cooling blend of calendula, lavender, and comfrey. Alex wiggled as the cold hit the heat of his bruises. A moment later he sighed as the compress soothed his injuries. 

 

"Thank god for that web site Frohike sent me," Mulder said.

 

Frohike had sent a link on herbal healing for BDSM couples.

 

http://latches.webslaves.com/herb/herbal.htm

 

It made Walter wonder what exactly Mulder had shared in his long discussions with his old friends. Mulder smirked at him. "Spanking isn't always a punishment,' he said.

 

"It isn't?" Alex asked. "When isn't it?"

 

Oh, well, Mulder must have saved his kinks for Walter's bed by the blush spreading across his face.

 

"I think we'll have to explain that later," Walter said.

 

"Okay," Alex agreed, sounding weary from the emotional lows and highs of the day.

 

Crowding into Alex's queen sized bed, Walter allowed Alex to snuggle into his arms. 

 

"Can I sleep with you when you are not making love to Mulder?" Alex asked.

 

"Not every night," Walter said.

 

"Sometimes?" Alex asked.

 

"Yes, sometimes, often," Walter said. "Just not when you and Mulder want to make love and not when Mulder and I are making love."

 

"Okay," Alex said.

 

Settling down, Alex said, "Love you both."

 

Mulder replied, "Love you too, Alex, Walter."

 

Walter let his embrace speak for him. As he held Alex in his arms, he wondered what their future held. 

 

Would Alex ever regain all his memories? Did Walter want him to have the pain and the pleasure restored?

 

There were no easy answers, but for now...

 

Alex was still innocent.

 

The end Part Three

 

 

Lost Innocence

 

 

 

It was summer again. Alex came in from feeding his chickens. He was wearing tight cutoffs and a tight tee shirt. The sun had kissed his face and hair, leaving him with a healthy glowing complexion and a tint of red in his hair. He had a basket of eggs and looked pleased with himself. He presented the eggs to Mulder along with a cheek to be kissed.

 

"Wow, Alex, the way the chickens are producing, you are going to be a rich man," Mulder joked.

 

"Really?" Alex asked.

 

"Well, not rich, but it will keep you in pocket money, " Mulder corrected.

 

"If I could get Tom-Tom a wife, we could have turkey eggs," Alex suggested.

 

"I don't think turkey eggs are very popular to eat," Walter admonished from his seat on the porch. He was working on the porch swing, which had broken when Alex and Mulder had made love on it.

 

Mulder felt guilty, both for breaking the porch swing and for the always-present odd man out scenario. He knew that Alex was determined to seduce Walter. His tactics weren't particularly successful. Despite his intelligence and the lazy flicker of memories stored in his errant brain, Alex lacked the sophistication of the adult that he had been. He was still himself. Mulder could see traces of native cunning, a certain fundamental ruthless beneath the sweetness. What he lacked was inhibitions and experience.

 

Poor Alex. Poor Walter.

 

Poor Mulder caught between them, Mulder might add.

 

Alex washed the eggs and carefully counted them into the crates. The natural foods store that had popped up in town paid a good price for 'free range eggs from pampered chickens'. The woman who owned the store didn't try to hide her admiring glances at all three men. She loved having them bring the eggs and always handed them a treat to have. The baked goods were always excellent.

 

Alex said, "I'm going to get some licorice root for Elizabeth. She said she would pay for some fresh roots."

 

"Take Paladin with you," Mulder said. Walter had bought the mastiff for a late Christmas present for Alex. Alex had not wanted to go near the woods for a long time, but gradually he started to venture out. Walter had not wanted to curtail Alex's independence. He knew it was a good sign, but he worried. Mulder tried not to show it, but Walter knew that Mulder sometimes couldn't sleep until he had gathered Alex back in his arms.

 

Smiling brightly, Alex said, "Sure, he has fun in the woods. It might take a long time to find the licorice root. Don't worry, Mulder."

 

A passionate kiss made Mulder wish that Alex were going nowhere but to his bed. He sighed as Alex tried to kiss Walter. Walter pushed him away gently and said, "Be careful and don't climb too high, looking for the licorice."

 

Sulking now, Alex replied, "What do you care? You don't love me."

 

"Alex!" Walter said, "You know that's not true."

 

The words were said to Alex's stiffly held back, disappearing towards the woods.

 

OooOooO

 

Despite a stab of fear when Alex passed by the path that led to the stream where he had been raped, the woods slowly soothed Alex. He liked it here; it was beautiful and green. There was no one to judge him or to make him uncomfortable, staring at him. Paladin snuffled along, inhaling the scents left in the forest. Sometimes Alex liked to throw himself down and try to make his human nose find what so excited and pleased the big dog. It never worked. He could smell the

musty, sour-sweet odor of the earth, the sharp fresh smell of the grass, and the mixture of all the plants growing verdantly wherever the trees allowed sunshine to pass.

 

Today, Alex really wanted to gather as much licorice root as he could. Elizabeth said she would pay him five dollars a pound. It wasn't hard work either. It was much less pleasant to muck out the chicken house. It was not that Alex needed a lot of money, but he was mature enough now to understand that adults should be self-supporting. Mulder said not to worry, that he had plenty of money, but Alex noticed that Walter had his own checking account into which he deposited a check once a month.

 

Brows furling nose crinkling, Alex pondered if Walter would like him more if he finished his reeducation and found a real job. Most of the time, Alex was all right now. He no longer had spells where he lost his memories of the day before. If he thought hard, most of his past was in his memory. However, the memories were gray and flat. He could recall what happened to him, but not how he felt about. It was like watching one of those old movies that Mulder loved. Alex didn't feel as if he was the same as the man whose face he shared. He looked younger and he had two arms. He wasn't smart as the old Alex and he didn't know how to do all of the things his former self had mastered. He doubted he ever would. It just didn't interest him.

 

The only thing his old self had known how to do that Alex wished he knew was how to make Walter love him. Sure, Walter said he loved him, but not the way Mulder did. Alex remembered the pleasure he felt when Walter pushed inside of him. He remembered the feel of the strong body, the rough hair of the chest against his cheek, the way Walter's face would crinkle as if he was in pain when he was coming. Those memories were strong and it didn't help when Alex heard Mulder and Walter making love. It wasn't fair at all for them to exclude him. They used to take him to bed before Walter's bullet had remade his brain and the aliens had patched him up imperfectly.

 

Well, Walter would probably spank him when he arrived home. Best stay away as long as possible then, Alex decided. He found the grove where he had spotted the licorice root and set to work.

 

The moss was soft. It was easy to strip the long roots from the licorice root. Some of the ferns were still green, but most of them were drying. The roots were healthy. Alex stripped a piece and chewed on it as he stuffed cleaned root into his bag. As he moved from tree to tree, Alex left enough of the ferns and roots to grow back. Even so, his bag was very heavy and he was pleased, thinking about the crisp bills that Elizabeth would put his bag. She had promised to show him some other wild herbs that he could pick for her. He liked Elizabeth very much and was glad that he had gone into the store to see if she would buy his eggs.

 

OooOooO

 

After Alex had collected all the licorice that he could carry, he started for home, wishing that Paladin could carry part of it for him. He stopped at the edge of the woods, thinking he heard someone crying. It could have been a mocking bird.

 

Alex wondered at that thought whether Walter would sing the mocking bird song to him after he spanked him. Walter usually felt guilty and sad after he disciplined Alex, a state of mind that Alex was very willing to exploit. Alex loved it when Walter sang to him. It was almost as good as being made love to.

 

Paladin whined and bumped into Alex's legs, wanting to go towards a thicket. Standing there, holding onto the huge dog's collar, Alex was reluctant to go and see. He was much less trustful than he had been. If he saw strangers in the woods, he always went directly home. Most people might be harmless, but Alex didn't want to take any more chances on them not being what they seemed.

 

Finally, hearing the cry again, Alex followed it. Such a small and pitiful cry could not belong to anyone dangerous.

 

Kneeling down, Alex could see scuffs in the earth where someone had wiggled under the bramble. Rabbits hid inside this thicket and had hollowed a place where a very small human might pass with only a few scratches.

 

Lying flat on his belly, Alex peered into the darkness and saw a white tee shirt, eyes glinting as the strong sunlight penetrated, and heard a whimper.

 

"Are you lost?" Alex asked.

 

"No, I'm not lost. I...go away," the child said.

 

"It'll get dark soon," Alex said. "There are coyotes in the woods, little girl. Come out. I'll take you home."

 

By this point, Alex was feeling irritable. He hadn't packed enough lunch and the sun was hot on his back. He really wanted to go home and have dinner even if Walter was still angry.

 

"I don't care," the girl said. "Just leave me alone."

 

Alex had helped wild things before that didn't want to be helped. He knew they couldn't understand that you only wanted to keep them safe and make them well. He supposed that this little girl was a human wild thing. He calmly lay there and asked, "Do you like dogs? I have a big one with me. His name is Paladin and my lover bought him to protect me from bad people."

 

Cautiously, the voice answered, "From all bad people? Even mommies and daddies?"

 

Alex had to think about that. Moms and Dads were supposed to be good. Sometimes they had to discipline, but that didn't mean they were bad. Walter disciplined, but he wasn't a bad person for that.

 

"Come on out and we'll talk about it," Alex said. He extended a hand and a thin, bony hand took it.

 

When the little girl emerged from the shadow, Alex knew he was in over his head. Her face was swollen and bruised. She had a black eye that had nearly closed one eye. There was a bloodstain on her chin and she had a split lip. Her arms wore twisted ropes of dark bruises around them. Alex saw strap marks on her legs. He occasionally had worn marks like that himself, but never had Walter or Mulder spit the flesh with a careless blow. Her long dark hair was tangled. She looked as if she was a weed that struggled for life in rocky soil.

 

"Who did this?" Alex asked.

 

"My Mom and Dad, but no one believes me. When I have marks on me, they keep me home and when I told my teacher at school, the principal was mad because my Mom is her friend. So I ran away and I am never going back. You can't make me," the little girl said.

 

"What's your name?" Alex asked.

 

"Mary Ann," the girl said, "but I'm not going to tell you the rest because you would tell my parents. I am eight years old and I am big enough to live by myself. I'll just hide in the woods until I grow up."

 

"I don't think that's a good idea," Alex said. He wasn't sure what to do. Finally he said, "I'll hide you while I find out what to do."

 

"Can't tell anyone else," Mary Ann said.

 

"But I think I might need help," Alex said, searching his memory. No, old Alex had no knowledge that might tell him what to do to help Mary Ann. It would have been better if he could have asked Mulder or Walter, but the little girl was so afraid. Alex remembered being afraid.

 

OooOooO

 

Fortunately, both men were inside when Alex arrived home. He made a clean place in the area where he kept the feed and supplies for his chickens. For right now, it would do. Alex gave Mary Ann a flashlight and said, "I'll be back with some books and some crayons later. I used to like crayons."

 

It was embarrassing to think that just a little over a year ago that Alex had been at a level where crayons had been his joy. Truthfully, he still looked them wistfully at times. He knew he was a grownup, but being a child had been fun. Well, it had been fun with Mulder taking care of him and Walter too. Alex had an unsettling feeling that his original childhood had been more like the one Mary Ann was living now.

 

Alex dashed inside and said, "Hi, I'm home. I picked a ton of licorice."

 

Crossing the room, Mulder kissed him deeply and stroked him on his butt, something Alex liked a lot. It was a very good thing to be an adult with Mulder as a lover. Walter scowled just a little.

 

Alex said, "I'm sorry I was rude."

 

"All right," Walter said. "Alex, you know there is more to love than physical love."

 

"Oh, like the way Moms and Dads love their children?" Alex asked.

 

"Well, that's one way, but I don't think of you as my child," Walter said. He frowned and said, "Not any more."

 

Walter looked as if he was thinking hard. Alex hoped it was about Alex not being his kid. He knew that his not quite a child, not quite a grownup state disturbed Walter.

 

Still, Alex had more worries than about seducing Walter right now. He said, "I was thinking about parents. Were my parents kind and gentle?"

 

Walter looked at Mulder. Mulder looked at Walter. Mulder finally answered, "Your mother loved you, but your father worked for the bad men. He gave you to them when you were very young."

 

"Did they hit me?" Alex asked, intrigued by his own questions.

 

"I suppose they did," Mulder said, sadly.

 

"What would you have done if you had found me hiding from them? If I asked you to keep me hidden, what would you have done?" Alex said.

 

"Come here, beautiful," Mulder said, "I won't let anyone hurt you ever again.

 

And Walter hugged him too. Walter even asked him if he wanted to sleep with them that night.

 

Alex must have surprised Walter when he said, no.

 

"It would be too uncomfortable," Alex said. "Because you make me think about not sleeping, Walter."

 

Walter looked both pleased and embarrassed by that. When he kissed Alex good night, it was more like a Mulder kiss.

 

If Alex could figure out how to tell Walter more about his feelings, maybe it would finally be the way he wanted.

 

However for right now, Alex had to take care of Mary Ann.

 

Waiting until he heard Mulder and Walter making love, Alex quietly gathered food, water, blankets, his old books, and his best crayons for Mary Ann.

 

"When I was a child, I spoke as a child," Alex said, "But now I have put aside my childish things." He wasn't sure what that meant exactly, but it suited what he felt now as Mary Ann's protector.

 

Alex even left Paladin to sleep with Mary Ann. She was still bruised and sore looking, but she was much happier.

 

OooOooO

 

The next day, Walter and Mulder had business in town. Alex went with them to sell his licorice.

 

Elizabeth was glad to see him. She had a big delivery so Alex helped her load them. He opened the boxes and stocked the shelf for her.

 

"You know, Alex, I would love to hire you," Elizabeth said. "How would Walter and Mulder feel about that?"

 

"I think they would like it," Alex said. "They want me to be finish healing."

 

"I'm sure they are happy about your progress," Elizabeth said. She brought in her mail and eagerly opened an envelope. "Oh, not again," Elizabeth said.

 

"What's the matter?" Alex asked.

 

"Well, I was one of the families that was being considered to adopt a little girl. They picked another family, a two parent family," Elizabeth said.

 

"You want to adopt a little girl?" Alex said.

 

"Yes," Elizabeth said. "I have a foster care license, but I haven't had a placement yet."

 

"I bet you would be a great Mom," Alex said. "You wouldn't ever hurt a child. You wouldn't make her eye black and her lip split."

 

"Alex, did you meet a child who had beaten," Elizabeth asked.

 

"No, it was just a theory," Alex replied. Mulder was always saying that.

 

"Really, Alex?" Elizabeth said, her voice sounding all too much like Walter's.

 

"Well," Alex hedged. "What if no one believed the little girl at her school?'

 

"Then we would take her to the police," Elizabeth said.

 

"And would you be her Mom? She really needs a good Mom, not a mean one," Alex said.

 

"Yes, if they would let me," Elizabeth said.

 

"Okay, but she is very scared," Alex said.

 

"Come on," Elizabeth said. "I'll close my store and we better go find your lovers."

 

Alex didn't correct her. If Walter weren't his lover, he would be soon. Alex had a theory about that too.

 

OooOooO

 

"He what?' Walter roared.

 

"He has a little girl who was abused hidden in your chicken shed," Elizabeth said.

 

"He what?" Walter yelled again.

 

Mulder sighed and said, "He's hiding an abused child in the shed. Come on, Walter. I'm sure you can yell at Alex later."

 

Actually, Mulder was very proud of Alex. It just proved what he had been saying. Alex was never going to be what and who he had been, but he was an adult. He seemed to have kept his innocence about him, but he was very intelligent and he reasoned like an adult most of the time.

 

Elizabeth was on her cell phone the entire time. She had taken total control, arranging for a police officer to meet them with a social worker.

 

Alex insisted on going to bring Mary Ann out himself. The little girl clung to him, trying to hide behind her hair.

 

The police officer and social worker arrived just as Mary Ann finished a bowl of Walter's chicken soup. The little girl looked fearfully at the new arrivals and fled to Alex's protection again. He

looked at them fiercely and said, "You better believe her. She told the principal at her school and all she did was tell Mary Ann's mother. That was how come she was hit so hard. She's not going to go back to that."

 

"She won't have too," promised the social worker, a big lady with unruly black hair and a dark skin that suggested she was related to some of the local Native Americans.

 

"Mary Ann, I need you to talk to the officer and I," Mrs. LaFrombois said.

 

"Not without my Alex," Mary Ann said.

 

"Okay," the woman said. "I want to talk about how you were hurt."

 

"My Mom and Dad did it," Mary Ann said. "They were mad because I told my teacher about them hitting me so hard. I was so sore that I couldn't sit in my seat. I don't think they like me very much. I think they wanted a boy."

 

"Well, that's their loss," muttered Elizabeth.

 

Over the next thirty minutes, Mary Ann told her story. She had been hit by her mother's hand and fist. She had been kicked. Her father picked her up and threw her outside by her hair after beating her with his belt. Mary Ann said that usually she just cried, but not this time. This time, she had seen a beautiful little girl who had held out her hand to her. Mary Ann followed her and the lovely angel girl had led her to the woods. She walked a long time until she fell asleep in the thicket and Alex found her.

 

Mary Ann said, "The angel's name was Samantha and she said not to worry because she would find someone to help me. And she did, my Angel Alex."

 

Mulder couldn't breath for a long moment. Samantha? Why would Mary Ann pick that name for her imaginary friend?

 

"What did Samantha look like?" Mulder asked.

 

"She was pretty. Her hair was in two piggy tails with ribbons. She had a very big nose, but she was still an angel," Mary Ann said.

 

"I'm sorry," Mrs. LaFrombois said, "I have to file a petition with the court. Officer Henry? Have you heard enough to grant me temporary custody?"

 

"Oh, yes, Ma'am," the young black officer said. "And enough to arrest a couple of prominent citizens."

 

"That's what I hoped," the big woman said. "Elizabeth, are you ready for a little girl?"

 

Elizabeth's smile was angelic too.

 

Mulder planned to make sure that the little girl had a private attorney. Those parents shouldn't have a chance to beat Mary Ann again.

 

OooOooO

 

After everyone left, Walter said, "Alex, you did the right thing except..."

 

"I lied to you and Mulder," Alex said. He let out a gusty sigh and took down his pants. " I know that was wrong, but you know, even grown ups make mistakes."

 

"I know that, Alex," Walter said. "I made one too. I think I would like you to come to bed with Mulder and I."

 

"Just to sleep?" Alex asked.

 

"No, beautiful, we have a lot of time to make up," Walter said.

 

Alex's smile was mega watt bright. "Then I don't mind being spanked at all."

 

Walter was sure he would feel differently later. Putting Alex over his lap, he said, "It's about trust, Alex. You promised no more lies. You promised that you would trust us to help you and teach you. I do this with love, Alex."

 

Alex's white butt tensed when Walter's hand thundered down. The sound made Walter startle. He gritted his teeth and continued to steadily spank Alex. Considering the good that Alex had done, he didn't want to spank him too hard, but the round bottom was beet red before he finished.

 

One final slap and Walter stood Alex up. "Now, no more lies?"

 

"No, Sir," Alex said. "None." He said, "Now can you hold me? And tell me you love me?"

 

"Yes," Mulder said.

 

"Yes," Walter agreed. "And more than that. I am so very proud of you. I am proud you were my lover and I'm proud you will be my lover again."

 

Alex's lashes lay thickly on his cheeks. They quivered. His face was both man and child. Some part of his innocence had been lost in this first major adult decision of his new life, but part of him would always remain untouched, washed clean of his past.

 

That was how Walter and Mulder loved him.

 

 

The end


	2. Something Old, Something New

Innocence: Something New, Something Old

 

 

Paladin's nose nudged Alex right in his armpit. He hated that and irritably reached out to push his dog away. "Go away. Go to sleep," Alex muttered.

 

Last night, Alex had studied late, getting ready to take the FBI entry test on Monday. Although he knew he would never be an FBI agent again, he wanted to know that he could pass the tests. Now he was still tired and when he opened one eye, there was only a faint pinkish gray peeking from under the shade.

 

Paladin whined and this time he used his teeth, something the mastiff never did. Shocked and a bit hurt, more than the nip could have caused, Alex sat up to chastise the dog. Almost instantly, the bit of information struck him. Smoke. Smoke in the air.

 

Leaping up, Alex didn't need to open the door to know the fire was right outside the door. He yelled, "Walter, Mulder, fire! Fire!"

 

Both men reacted with trained minds and bodies, grabbing clothing and shoes. Alex had checked the door just as Mulder had taught him to do long ago, finding it hot to the touch. He found his own shoes and clothing as he heard Walter wrenching open the window. He could hear Mulder's breaths coming quickly and remembered his beloved telling him he was afraid of fire.

 

"The door is hot," Alex said, coughing as more smoke seeped under the door.

 

"Yes, come on, we'll go out the window," Walter said. "Mulder, go out first and you can help with Paladin."

 

It took both Walter and Alex's strength to boost the heavy dog through the window. Alex grabbed Pookie-Cat, the kitten he had found floating in a bag in the pond a few months ago and stuffed him into a bundle made of his jacket. Walter took his guitar and Alex wailed as he remembered that his was left in the living room of the cabin.

 

"Come on, come on," Walter urged, taking Alex's arm.

 

Out the window, Alex shoved the cat into Mulder's arms. Maybe he could still get to his guitar. The cabin was lit as if it all the lights were on. It glowed like the jack o lanterns that Walter carved for Halloween. 

 

"I have to get my guitar," Alex said. It was his best ever gift from Walter, given to him the night after Walter finally tenderly made love to him. Since then, they had spent many nights, playing together, sitting side by side on the worn leather couch, barefoot, casually dressed, and very, very happy.

 

No more than a few steps toward the porch, Alex found himself dragged back by a strong hand.

 

"Walter, I can do it. It's near the window. I could break the window and reach in!" Alex yelled.

 

"No, you break the window and the back draft will kill you," Walter said, "Stop."

 

"I'm all grown up," Alex yelled back. "It's my decision."

 

The next thing he knew, Alex was bare-assed over Walter's knees. His lover's hand felt like a leather-covered rod striking his tender flesh. Every blow stung him as tears burned his eyes. His face was toward the burning cabin so he could see the only home he truly remembered becoming brighter and brighter. It wasn't fair. He had everything taken from him once already; now, he watched his memories burn.

 

Walter's hand made his ass turn as fiery as the flames. The harsh blows spared no part of him, but the crease between his legs and ass seemed to catch more of the spanking. Despite that, there was plenty of hand to go around to his ass cheeks and thighs.

 

"No more," Alex whimpered as he saw part of the roof cave in. Sparks flew out and now he was afraid the chicken coop would catch fire. "My chickens! Tom!"

 

"We'll get them," Walter said, putting him on his feet. "Now you have your priorities right."

 

The birds were frightened even though they were as tame as Paladin. Tom was good though. Alex had trained the turkey to walk on a leash and the gobbler seemed to think that he was going to the woods with his master for treats. Alex left him with Mulder, who was already holding Pookie-Cat and Paladin.

 

Thank goodness that Walter had bought Alex some cages so he could clean the hen house thoroughly and fumigate after he had found a scrawny rooster loose in the woods. It turned out to have mites and infected all of the flock. Walter and Alex worked together, stuffing angry fowl into cages and taking them to where Mulder held onto to their other pets, far from the cabin, and away from any trees that could catch fire. 

 

Holding up his cell phone, not lost for once, Mulder said, "I called the fire department. They're on the way."

 

Alex could hear the far away siren and he knew that they would not get here in time to save the cabin. He went back in the hen house. The roof was smoldering and the remaining chickens were crazy with fear. Alex grabbed the last chick. Walter and he looked around then dragged the remaining cage far from the burning hen house.

 

His arm around Paladin; Walter and Mulder's arms around him, Alex watched his home burn.

 

A wail ripped from so deep inside of him that it felt all his insides were pushing out. The cry came out as an explosion of sorrow.

 

"It's going to be all right," Walter soothed.

 

"It's all right, love," Mulder whispered.

 

Finally, Alex forced his thoughts out. "But you had other homes. This was all I had. I was happy here. Everything good in my life was there. Now what am I going to do?"

 

Mulder answered, "Alex, everything good in your life is right here. Look around you. I'm here. Walter's here. This is what you need. All the rest is replaceable."

 

"Where will we go?" Alex asked. "Where will we live?"

 

The fire engines tore into the clearing. Firemen dashed out and one of them asked, "Everybody out?"

 

"Every person and every creature," Walter answered. "We're all safe."

 

"Good job," the fire man said before turning his attention to the cabin. 

 

Despite his grief, Alex couldn't help watching the firemen work. He remembered when he was still struggling to build an adult self that he went through a stage of being excited by fire men. Mulder had taken him to the fire station in town and one of the fire men had even allowed him to climb onto the engine. Alex remembered the man saying he had a brother like Alex. It had puzzled him at the time, making him wonder what the man meant. Now he knew that the man meant that he had a brother who was slow, child-like. 

 

It didn't bother him. Alex knew that it might make some people uncomfortable to remember being a child in a man's body. It didn't distress Alex. He had the memories of Alex who used to be. He had the memories of the Alex who had become the man he was now. He much preferred his second childhood.

 

Mulder was shaking and Alex realized that his lover had been comforting him when Mulder was the one who was terrified of fire. He twisted around to hold Mulder tight. "You're safe; we're all safe."

 

A van drove up and parked. Alex could see Mary Ann in the backseat, hanging onto Paladin's brother, Tsar. Elizabeth had bought the dog to comfort Mary Ann when her bad memories came at night. He had almost chased them entirely away.

 

Elizabeth rushed to them and said, "Thank God. Are you all safe?" She looked around and said, "Looks as if you saved all of Alex's chickens."

 

Pepper, oldest of the flock, was the only chicken left from Alex's first little clutch of birds. She uttered a cantankerous complaint at Elizabeth's voice. Elisabeth always brought her fancy bird feed that Pepper loved. 

 

"You'll have to come and stay with me," Elizabeth said. "I have plenty of room and we'll clear the shed to house the chickens for now."

 

The hen house fire was out. The roof was only a little scorched. As for the cabin, there was nothing but heaps of charred wood, a chimney and fireplace, and a few still standing sections of walls. Of all things, the porch swing had survived, hanging askew from the nearly collapsed porch.

 

"All gone," Alex mourned. He could feel Walter tugging him up. He had only dragged on his pants and boots so the wind was chill on his skin. 

 

"Get dressed," Walter said, giving him a shirt and a blanket.

 

Still crying, Alex did as he was told. His ass was very sore, but not as sore as his heart.

 

"Will we have to move somewhere else?" Alex asked.

 

"Just for a while," Walter said. "We'll stay with Elizabeth until . . ."

 

"Until you can rebuild," Elizabeth insisted. "Mary Ann will love having all of you at her command. She'll think she is a princess."

 

Turning his eyes to the remains of the cabin, Alex looked doubtful. It was hard to see any hope in the blackened timbers.

 

"We'll clear away the old and have something new. It won't be exactly the same," Walter soothed, "but we'll always have the memories of the old cabin. It will be exciting having a new home; we'll build as much as we can with our own hands."

 

Alex turned to look at his beloved Mulder and found that he was gazing at Walter with a smile on his lips. "We can build it together?" Alex asked.

 

"Together," Mulder said. "Our friends will come and help. It will be a house built from love, Alex."

 

"A house built from love," Alex repeated. That sounded like a very nice house indeed. He sighed and nodded. "The chickens need a bigger yard too and Pookie-Cat wants a place where she can be outside and watch the birds without being afraid of hawks."

 

"I think Pookie-Cat will get exactly what she wants," Walter said.

 

"Meanwhile, I am going to have Mary Ann hold onto this cat," Mulder said, struggling with the squirming bundle.

 

If Alex squinted and looked very hard, not at the burned cabin, but inside his head, he could see his new home, rising from the ashes.

 

Maybe it would be a wonderful thing. After all, hadn't Mulder told him that he was like a phoenix that rose from ashes? 

 

A discreet rub at his sore buns later, Alex was ready to load the hens into the pickup truck. Tom-Turkey, who was a very spoiled fowl, was already in Elizabeth's van with Paladin and Pookie-cat. The hens were upset and the formerly scrawny rooster who was now a large and very arrogant cock was sounding his challenge to dawn.

 

"Don't worry," Alex told Pepper. "You're going to have a wonderful new home. We'll build it together, won't we?"

 

Alex knew that his lovers were smiling at him. Although Alex had grown and knew as much now as he ever had before, he had learned something from his second childhood. Never be ashamed of what you feel. Never hold back from saying that you love. That was his innocence he never wanted to leave.

 

 

The End


End file.
